Storia Medievale

Sull'assestato marciapiede circonferente la rotonda di Piazzale S.Nella (ben nota anche come la Protettice dell'Ingorgo),
in una bene e stante cittadina
onorevolmente appuntata sul collo dell'italico stivale,
alle 2 e 30 del pomeriggio di un raggiante 8 marzo,
un incontro.
Ecco cosa accadde:

Ingunde (tutti voi vi ricorderete di lei per le magnifiche avventure di quel sant'uomo di "Ermenegildo: aò, ma quanto sò Vichingo?!"):
Hom'è andhato l'esame di Storia?

Considerando il limite massimo della mia disponibilità a farmi mettere i piedi in testa da un professore, direi or poco sì,
ostico e deciso,
alla mia eliminazione ben s'intende,
ho dribblato in anticipo la prevedibile punizione oscurando i doppivetri per non far disturbar all'Alba del dovere,
il mio piccolo lieto sonno,
così carino piccino piccino picciò!

E quindi in bréve?
Non ti sè'tu presenthato neppure stavolta?

In verità, in verità ti dico:
mi sono alzato trionfante alle nove e tre quarti,
mi sono ravvivato i capelli,
e mi son avviato fiducioso verso il campo di duello
nel tentativo di risolvere medievali conflitti di vecchi barbosi derelitti,
io e il mio impeccabile look con le sue due giuste gocce di irresistibile Kelso,
quandunquecco, l'improbabile che appare,
così come apparve la Madonna a un calciatore
appena pestato laddove è meglio tacere...

Oh citrullo!
Dicchè tu blateri, maremma maiala?

Tu non ci crederai, tanto poco è originale questo fatto,
che io invece c'ho ancora il cuore in mona...
appena esco di casa
una luce straniante,
silenzio assoluto,
e toh che mi risveglio
nella plancia di un'astronave!

(questo s'è fumato il bignami di tutta la storia dello stato di Giamaica, altrochè!)

E sai che m'hanno detto dopo avermi analizzato con tutti i loro laser stronzi per ogni mio sacro buco libero?
Dopo una lunga e concitata tra i di loro savi, assemblea,
m'hanno con professionalità concisa dichiarato:
"Onestamente, lei è un coglione!"
Ti pare?
Io? Un coglione?
Un coglione io?
Chissà, magari da loro i coglioni invece sono riconosciuti come individui stimabili, o addirittura geniali!
Magari i coglioni loro sono migliori dei nostri,
ma perdinci,
perquanto coglione alieno
sempre coglione sono!

Forse è' meglio se non ci vediamo per un pò,

Parma, 8 marzo 2007

9 commenti:

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